Holy Shit - I'm a narcissist

12/31 2024

Maybe I've been reading too much of The Last Psychiatrist lately, but narcissism has been on my mind lately. Specifically, the definition outlined in this blog post. To sum up: the nature of narcissism isn't about thinking in terms of "me better than you", but rather always putting the identity of ones own ego in front of reality. As he writes on how Narcissus percieves Echo:

"What was so wrong with her? It wasn't just that she may have been shorter or heavier than he had imagined. What was wrong was in that instant he experienced her, she stopped being anything else."

In other words: Echo reminds Narcissus of how his sense of identity does not line up with reality. He attracts a certain type of woman, in this case the very extreme, leading him to a particularly difficult conclusion to accept:

"What kind of a man attracts a woman who can only echo him? There must be a name for that kind of person, and he already had it."

And thus, the sad fate of the narcissist, stuck in front of his own reflection --- hoping in vain that just through this artificial notion of self-identity he sees a reality manifest that never could be.

The other day I was listening to Father John Misty's 2015 album I Love You Honeybear again, and my favorite song of his came on, Holy Shit. This song is not about one single thing, but to me the at-face superficial nature of [modern] love stands out:

Oh, and no one every really knows you and life is brief
So I've heard, but what's that gotta do with this black hole in me?

This is directly in line with the definition laid out above. A sad failure in recognizing some things (life is brief), yet not realizing that the issue stems from yourself rather than others (black hole in me). Consider the next verse:

Age-old gender roles
Infotainment, capital
Golden bows and mercury
Bohemian nightmare, dust-bowl chic
This documentary's lost on me
Satirical news, free energy
Mobile lifestyle, loveless sex
Independence, happiness

A list of external causes leading to an inevitable conclusion, or so it seems. While the causes can be true, the inevitability of its conclusion need not be. And thus lies the true tragedy of modern love. If we have a society based on narcissistic tendencies (identity over behavior), as the last psychiatrist seems to think, where does that leave love? Father John Misty provides his thoughts on the matter in the next verse and chorus:

Colosseum families
The golden era of TV
Eunuch sluts, consumer slaves
A rose by any other name
Carbon footprint, incest streams
Fuck the mother in the green
Planet cancer, sweet revenge
Isolation, online friends

Oh, and love is just an institution based on human frailty
What's your paradise gotta do with Adam and Eve?
Maybe love is just an economy based on resource scarcity
But what I fail to see is what that's gotta do with you and me

Thus, in true Greek fashion, the tragedy of love lies in its contradictory nature. If the notion of identity over behavior is default in society, then it makes sense these contradictory things Father John Misty lists are all true. They are all true because of the dissonance between the notion of self and what is actually real, and the failure to recognize this leads to the tragedy of modern love.

Though, calling it modern love is, I think, a bit of a stretch. As Simone de Beauvoir wrote in 1953:

"The knight departing for new adventures offends his lady yet she has nothing but contempt for him if he remains at her feet. This is the torture of impossible love." (Second Sex, 1953)

The reason for this should at this point be obvious: by staying the knight reminds her of everything she is, not who she thinks she is. And could you really blame her, having been raised that way? (see this post for a more elegant way of phrasing this.)

Though, in the end I fail to see what all this has gotta do with me. I'm going to go get a whiskey and read of dead religions and ancient holy wars (it's important to stay informed). Because life is brief.