Not showing anything
06/25 2021
There's no respite to my own mind
I'm looked into a cage,
And it haunts me every day
I now sit among loved friends,
The best of friends,
With good drink and food
Laughing as we sit perusing
Over all the minute details
Of our shared lives, yet
As soon as the sound is turned down
It returns as I stare at the setting sun
I'm too far away to change it
All I can do is watch and pretend that I'm okay
By not showing anything
If I can't see it, does it even exist?
And as the newly sprouted children
Inquire into the world around them,
Am I to lie, either to myself or to them?
If I was honest the relationship
Wouldn't be able to be repaired
So I make it up, hide it behind some name.
I thought I saw the birds between the trees,
But it was only further evidence
For my upkept illusion, the act,
Of picturing that it's just a mistake
By not showing anything
If I can't see it, does it even exist?
And in conversation with the man
Who's already died twice,
But who is terrified of not being remembered
Long after he's gone
And all I can do is sit there and nod
That is what is expected from me
ANd I can't help but agree at that time
As the last rays of the sun hits my face
Anything else is only torture
To that tormented soul
That never learned to inquire about itself
He's thirsty for all of the sodium,
Wants to be reassured by pure water
When I'm gone there will be nothing,
Will it even exist then?
Will I be mourned, or congratulated
On my eventual reintegration?
While it might sound like a painting,
Or some big impressionistic lie ---
Understand that I'm only attempting to see people without their names
And see how it is possible to go on without interpretation
Shed from the layers that we possess
There's a different country that switches
As the day turns into night,
And I sit here by myself,
Unsure of my place in the world
I can taste the safety in my memories
In the unchanging passion of my ego
That takes place in my dragging shadow
All I can do is sit and watch,
Pretending that I'm okay ---
By not showing anything,
If I can't see it, does it exist?
I'm not so sure anymore.
It seems intensely familiar to me ---
The sun sets as it rises,
With no one there to supervise it
Without anything to forget,
But the forgetting.