Just Walking In The Rain
06/29 2021
Inside the windows I pass patrons drink & laugh, trying to compete who is the best at not listening. They shout in each other's ears, the windows almost rattle. They momentarily stop as pass, and stare. They can't for the life of them understand how and why anyone could choose to walk in the rain without an umbrella or a rain coat, choose to be cold over spending all of your money on poisonous words and drinks. Looking out from within is really the looking in from the outside. We're all drenched, in a way, only, some by their poisoner's choosing. As I stare back they avoid my gaze and go back to whatever it is that they think that they're doing. I don't know what I'm trying to prove, but I keep on doing it to every person sitting by the windows that I pass.
Across the water I could see a vision of how my life could've looked if I was luckier, if I was less inquisitive, less curious about the source of the light on the wall that flickers. How it still could look like if I just accepted the truth and didn't try to escape it. If I could paint I would've painted a landscape of blooming flowers and tomato vines. A portrait of a naked woman sunbathing on a red granite rock for comfort only, letting the sun's loaded pistol play Russian roulette with her skin --- like the sixth drink. Those we're the visions I saw across the water, visions that faded as I walked on in the rain. A stray dog joined me for a while, but he too got annoyed at the raindrops hitting his face like icy bullets. The wind picked up then. Oh the relief in giving all of your worries to the man with no name. Of walking in the rain without getting wet, of being able to see the sun wherever and whenever you are. Opera played in my head then, and everything became a little bit too far to walk by myself. Night was falling and I wanted to fall too. Yet I walked on, and here I am. In the shade of the sweltering sun I sit awaiting the sink hole and the four horsemen. Clouds sometimes give you momentary protection from the flickering light that draws shadows behind you.